I don't mean to whine on the collective shoulders of the general membership, but I have nobody else I can communicate this with.

Since being injured (October 2007), I feel as though I have lost part of my purpose. I frequently find myself pushing through pain to interact with my kids. However, as the damage progresses, the pain has become more intense. My interaction with my children has fallen off. I have began obsiessing over my model railroad as a means of escape.
I feel as though I have become another voice, among millions of others, crying out in an un-heard mass. Lost, and without direction is the best way to put it.

I have a doctgor who is very good at what he does, but does not like to tell me what he is doing. I am not opposed to getting in his face to get answers though. The insurance company is playing games, which is why I sought out a lawyer. Having been a cop, I have an instinctive disdain for lawyers, and this one is no exception. He is supposed to be on my side, but he does not return calls. It seems as though my case means nothing to him.

With my particular set of problems (physical) I am in a bit of a catch 22. If I do not go ahead with the corrective surgery I face the eventual loss of use of my hands. If I go ahead with the surgery I face the loss of use of my hands. In the best case scenario I face a partial loss of use as it stands. I am tired of doctors, lawyers, insurance nurses, and physical therapy. It has affected my sleep. I sleep about 2 hours a day now.

I have tried to stay strong, but my strength is waining. However, before folks read too much into this, I am a fighter. I always have been, and I always will be. I will fight until there is no longer air in my lungs. I will get through this.

I didn't want to trash the mood here, but I needed to vent. My family means alot to me, and even though I have not met any of you, to me you are all family.
Thank you for providing a safe haven to share this information. Thank you for always having a response. I know I am not the easiest person to put up with. I have been informed that I am a bit too intense and abrasive. I personally think I am a softy, with a sweet disposition

Anyhow, thank you for letting me vent.

Matt

Matt,

I think you're entitled to a good vent and I'm glad you felt comfortable doing it here. It sounds like you've been through a lot and that you have more to go. I wish you continued strength and I hope you get good service from your doctor and your lawyer. When continued adversity wears us down to the point that sleep is regularly compromised, important relationships disrupted, and feelings of pointlessness come it may be time to consider gaining support through counseling and possibly anti-depressant medications. There may be patient support groups that you could plug into to gain information and assistance from other folks going through similar frustrating problems, and a temporary prescription to help re-balance neurochemistry that affects mood might provide some significant relief.

My best wishes to you.

Ralph

Yes, Ralph has some really good points there Matt. We are glad you feel close enough to us to tell us just how you feel and that you can vent your frustrations without concern. You have a right to know what a doctor or lawyer is doing either to you or on your behalf. Not to keep you informed is indeed enough to unnerve even the most hearty a person. Having medical problems is difficult enough to deal with and can cause emotional problems as well. You may indeed need some different medication to help you through these times. If your doctor is as good at what he does as you say, he should recognize this and provide that help. Depression and lack of sleep go hand in hand and is treatable.

We all wish you the best and wish we could do more for you but listen. We can do that much anyway, so don't hesitate to post your feelings again, but most of all, we'd like to be kept up on your progress, so keep us posted on that as well. Good luck.

I can relate. This is a complicated situation, and you are stuck in more catch-22s than you realize. For example, two hours asleep alone is enough to cause major health problems. But those health problems, in turn, can cause a lack of sleep. I've been there.

Perhaps the worst feeling one can have is one where you are not in control of your situation. It does not have to be medical handcuffs, it can be emotional, physical, or even political. And feeling restricted will eventually cause sadness in everyone. I find it helpful to recognize those situations and to at least plan and take small steps to alleviate them. For example, I was once stuck in a lousy go-nowhere job with little pay and lacked the education to find a more meaningful job. My solution was to begin taking classes at the local community college, one at a time, until I earned a degree. The act of registering for that very first class was enough to give me hope and direction that I would not always be stuck doing the same thing.

I can't suggest what the best course for you would be, because every situation is different. Believe me, jut recognizing and being able to think about the problem in your head is an enormous first step. Oh, and winter weather never helps things, either

Take care,

Sorry I'm not real good at responding to situations like yours, it is perhaps my own fault as I've always kept things inside and delt with them the best way I knew of which was try to stay ahead of the situation delt to me , investigate allllllll options and then leave it in the hands of the powers that be and it will all work out and what ever it works out to is what will be and I realized I was never really in control at all because the end results came no matter what.
So after that bla bla bla do what many of us do and vent here and try to do some of your favorite hobby.

Ralph, Don, Kevin and Lynn,

Thank you. It is a relief knowing that I have an ear I can bend when I need it.
I also want to make a note, for the record, that my rant is not my normal style. I usually keep my feelings bottled up. I'm married, with a very supportive spouse, and I don't share these kinds of feelings with her most of the time.

Thanks again,
Matt

Hi Matt,

While I don’t know you, & while I’m sure that your situation & circumstances are different than mine, your post struck a very familiar chord with me…
I am struggling with a physical disability that has caused me to have to retire from my career of 26 years, I had to give up driving a car 4 years ago, & it has become very difficult for me to continue with model railroading…in fact, I haven’t done any modeling for the past year or so…
In addition to this, my wife has been involved in a legal battle with her employer, & so I know the strains of having to deal with doctors, lawyers, insurance companies, Social Security, blah, blah, blah, blah….
I know what it feels like to be angry, depressed, to beat yourself up, kick your self-esteem around & stomp on it every now & then, to become obsessed with small things in order to escape from feelings of impending disaster…to lash out at friends, family, & regrettably, people on internet forums, whether they deserve it or not…
I guess I’m lucky though that I was raised by a big strong Kentucky farm family…The troubles I’ve had to endure pale in comparison to things people like my grandparents went through…
Though my grandmother passed away many years ago, I still have this little voice in my head that says to me occasionally, “Quit your cryin’. Just bow your neck & keep goin’!”
But I think the greatest gift that she & others in my family gave me was a good healthy self-deprecating sense of humor…I’ve learned to laugh at myrself, & I’ve learned to laugh at the world around me…This isn’t just some “Dr. Phil BS” either…Love & laughter has pulled me out of some of the darkest lowest times in my life…
So hang in there Matt…
These things like all things will pass, & something new will take their place…
Try & get some good sleep if possible, some good food, & try & get out & take some air as much as possible…sometimes just moving yourself around physically can improve your spirits…
Learn to see the light among the shadows
Take care, & feel free to vent when you need to…

Matt,

Whenever my problems get me down (which fortunately for me isn't all too often), I always seem to hear or read a story about someone that had something happen to them that makes my problems pale in comparison. For example, I was feeling a bit overwhelmed with work and homelife lately, and feeling like I was not getting as much help and support from my spouse and kids. Of course these types of feelings breed resentment, and sometimes depression. Then I hear from a friend of mine that has a friend whose spouse killed himself (in front of their 5 year old daughter no less) over the holidays. And then I hear from a buddy about one of his neighbors that had a massive heart attack and died on Christmas Eve, leaving his wife and 2 young kids to carry on without him (he was 43).

When I hear about things like that, it makes me stop and look at what I have in my life - a good wife, 3 beautiful children, a job. It usually doesn't take me long to realize that there are sooo many people out there that have to deal with so much more than me. And then you realize that maybe your life, and your problems, aren't too bad after all.

I hope you that you can look at all of the positives in your life, and realize that maybe things aren't as bad and overwhelming as they look.

Matt,
If I remember correctly, you need carpel tunnel surgery in both wrists. I've had the surgery on my right wrist, and it wasn't that bad. You don't want to do both wrists at the same time because you want one hand available for use at all times. Unless the doctor or insurance company is holding things up, I would recommend go ahead and have the surgery. My wife had her right wrist done as well, then last May a table collapsed on her at work and smashed the right wrist. She had surgery on the wrist to repair it that involved 2 pins, a plate, and 4 or 5 screws. After she had recovered from the surgery, she needed to have the carpel tunnel redone to repair it all over again. Her surgery was successful as well. She took about 1 month to get back to work. Since my job was mechanical and feeling is critical in the work, it took me 3 months to get back to work. From what I've seen, carpel tunnel problems don't seem to fix themselves.

Feel free to vent. Anybody that can't handle the "venting" by members here, can just not read the post.

OK - THAT DOES IT!! All the shoulder patting and platitudes chap my cheeks!

You are not alone. Millions of Americans feel as you do, with good reason. That isn't gravity holding you down - it's The System because it sucks.

First, fire your lawyer in writing for failing to represent you properly, and file a copy as a formal complaint with the Disciplinary Council of your State Bar Association. He works for you, and the only satisfaction rating he can claim is your yours; his opinion of himself does not count anywhere except perhaps with his wife or significant other. And don't tell him you are "going" to do it; just do it. If he had returned your calls, he wouldn't be taken by surprised, so it's on him, not on you.

At the same time demand a written, detailed accounting of all fees paid to him , and demand the cancellation or repayment of any you think represent charges for service not received. If he refuses, forward the charges directly to the Disciplinary Council and if necessary, the State Attorney General and ask for a review and opinion on their validity.

Next, dismiss your physician and demand another one, and if necessary, inform your insurance company and the State Medical Board of your reasons in writing. Your physician cannot by law treat you or even write a prescription for you without "informed consent" at every step, and without free communication, explanations and answers he cannot adhere to that law. Believe it or not, the merest whiff of fraud or impropriety makes the legal community start quivering all over like a dog passing peach pits. (You can thank my grandfather for that little homily! I cleaned it up, at that. ) It's easy to dismiss or ignore e-mails and phone calls, but formal, written complaints with copies to other agencies are like an ice pick in the eyeball - they compel attention.

As for your insurance company, contact the State Insurance Commissioner if there is even the tiniest hint of reluctance on their part to act in your best interests every step of the way, or if they balk for any reason.

Then get the name of a good lawyer in the field of medical practice/malpractice and get to it.

It's your body, and as a guy who practiced medicine for thirty long years, I can tell you unequivocally that once treated poorly, it may never again work right, nor can the next guy be expected to overcome the results of poor or inadequate treatment. If your pain is getting worse, things are not on track, period. I can also tell you as an article of pure faith that you have patient rights, and there are lot of people and organizations which exist solely to protect those rights, all the way up to Federal Government. Use them.

Do not buy into the garbage that an insurance company either cares about you or will automatically act in your interest. They won't - they worship only the profit margin, and you are but one source of their income, and you represent a financial loss at that, but they must obey the laws or go under, and this is a very bad time in America to be seen as another greedy, money-grubbing company preying on the sick and injured. If they are cause of your depression, demand that they pay for the specialist treatment of it. Bo not hesitate to use the words "class action lawsuit", because you know you aren't the only one. Use other terms like "loss of lifestyle" and "increasing difficulty with activities of daily living", and mention the negative effects of all this on spouse and family, especially when speaking to your new attorney. Attorneys love those concepts, because they are sacred in American courts and because they represent large settlements. Juries love them even more because they have the same problems you do, they are sympathetic and they are tired of being treated that way just as much as you are. They are on your side.

Don't get upset and go home - go for the jugular, instead. Remember, none of these organizations and people even have jobs without patients like yourself. You are not an interruption of their idle day - you are the very reason for their existence. They are called "service industries" for a reason - they SERVE you, and they make a lot of money doing it.

Do an Obama on them - stand up, look them right in the eye and say "Yes I can...and Yes, you will."

"And never apologize; it's a sign of weakness."
Senior Agent Jethro Gibbs, NCIS

Thanks everyone.
Russ,

I have had carpal tunnel surgery done, however, I have further damage to both wrists. I have bilateral TFCC seperation from the unlnar styloid. My ulna is slightly longer than the radius in both wrists which means they will have to be shortened.
I have ulnar, radial, and Dorsal interferential nerve damage, as well as carpal tunnel syndrome in my left wrist. I also have a couple of flexor tendons in my left hand that are partially torn. My doctor has described the damage as catastrophic and the surgery is categorized as reconstruction.
In addition to the TFCC damage in my right wrist, I also have torn FCU and ECU tendons.
The insurance company is playing games. They have disclosed statements from the witness to the fall and 2 reports from the insurance companies Independant Medical Examiner that are so favorable to my case that my lawyer has said that he would introduce them at trial. However, the insurance companies lawyer thinks that they can fight against letting me have the surgery, so in over a year I have had 1 carpal tunnel release done.

Matt

iis612 Wrote:Thanks everyone.
Russ,

I have had carpal tunnel surgery done, however, I have further damage to both wrists. I have bilateral TFCC seperation from the unlnar styloid. My ulna is slightly longer than the radius in both wrists which means they will have to be shortened.
I have ulnar, radial, and Dorsal interferential nerve damage, as well as carpal tunnel syndrome in my left wrist. I also have a couple of flexor tendons in my left hand that are partially torn. My doctor has described the damage as catastrophic and the surgery is categorized as reconstruction.
In addition to the TFCC damage in my right wrist, I also have torn FCU and ECU tendons.
The insurance company is playing games. They have disclosed statements from the witness to the fall and 2 reports from the insurance companies Independant Medical Examiner that are so favorable to my case that my lawyer has said that he would introduce them at trial. However, the insurance companies lawyer thinks that they can fight against letting me have the surgery, so in over a year I have had 1 carpal tunnel release done.

Matt

I may be the only guy on the forum who understands every word of that.

It's your hand and shoulder - fight for them or lose them. The insurance company will only look at the cost, and if they give in to you, they have to pay for everybody else. That outcome is predictably bad for them, which is why it is cheaper and better for them to oppose providing the needed care to you.

Whatever happens, I wish you luck. One of the primary reasons I quit medicine when I did - five years ahead of schedule - was because money became more important to my employers than the patients I was supposed to treat, and that policy was driven by the insurance companies.

Mountain Man,

Thank you. You lit a fire. I said I was a fighter. Now is the time to fight.

Matt

Well put MM. I'm glad I wasn't the only one who read Matt's OP and thought, "HEY...old on a second here!"

Matt,

You gotta take the Bull by the horns on this one. Its tough, and its not easy, however do not take this lying down. The very thought of standing up for your very life in this case may very well invigorate you and snap you out of it.

I recently had it out with our house insurance company and ended up blasting the rep a new one. Basically because some one backed into our house at 40mph and did some nice damage to the home. Months later...the insurance company appointed contractor tried to pull a fast one saying they had done all the work (when they had not) and we had to sign off on the paperwork or no deductible. Meanwhile granny has been back on the road for months in a new car.

Mind you, my house can be repaired...your body if let go...will/cannot. All the best man and get mad.

Don't let these Chooches try and walk all over you.

Matt,

Don't dwell on what might be, but rather what could be. It's tough, I know, but with the fine support
you have here and in your life, coupled with your drive, you well make it happen.
Good luck to you, I'm sure you won't need it.

Joe