Depression

[FiatFan]

Contrary to popular opinion, there are good lawyers out there. I know. I found one quite by accident and he actually took the time to listen to me and help me with my situation. It's been over three years since the situation was resolved and I still mention himm in my prayers.

Tom

[Sumpter250]

Matt,
There isn't a whole lot I can add to what you've gotten here. Mountainman hit the nail squarely on the head, and every one else, has given you something to hold to.
What it is, that you set out to do, will not be easy, or fun. The important journeys of our lives never are. The only thing I can offer, is something the master chief told me once, a long time ago. "You have to take your ration of ...., You do not have to take it home. At the end of the day, leave it in a bag, by the door, and go home".
I often forget that, but when I do remember, life is easier to deal with. When the eternal grind of life touches a nerve, I have come to realize that doing something with, or for, someone else, greatly eases the pain.
May fortune favor you.

[iis612]

An update.

Last night I managed to get 3 hours of sleep, which has not happened in months. I almost feel human.
I want to thank you all for your well wishes, advice, and for lighting a fire in me. I won't say that I feel much better, but I would be a liar if I said I didn't feel any better.
I have an appointment with my ortho coming, and I am NOT leaving his office without answers. I set the ball in motion to replace my attorney. In IL, under the workers comp laws I have to petition the work comp commision for change of representation (much like in a criminal proceeding), and while the commision only meets on a monthly basis, my motion has been added to the next sessions call. The reason for this load of crap is because work comp lawyers are only paid on contingency in IL. They take 20% of whatever settlement their might be, so I have to prove that my current attorney has not upheld his end of the contract to avoid having to pay him. He will be served officially early next week. The legal firm I am working with now I have worked with before, and they are sharks. Every time I had to contact them before they returned my call within hours, which is far better than months.
I failed to mention in the original post that this was a work related incident. My employer has the right to replace me and hold me in inactive leave until I am able to return to work. However, they found and exploited a loophole.
Not too long ago I received a check from the 401k administrator company. It was a funds disbursement check, and the reason for disbursement was on the stub. It said "Termination". I called the human resources department and asked what that was about. They told me that I had been terminated for failure to return from leave. When I informed the HR manager that I had not requested leave and that I was out on a work related injury he quickly replied "when you are better, you are welcome to apply for a new position," and he hung up on me. My outgoing attorney said that he would not pursue a wrongful termination suit as it would cost too much and the yield would make it unreasonable. My new attorney has agreed to take that on on contingency.\
I went from being a public servant (cop and volunteer firefighter/paramedic) to a truck driver when I moved from Colorado to Illinois. It had always been my plan to return to public service. However, based on the information that I have gleaned from my own research and the information the doctor has shared, I will probably not be able to return to it, or to driving a truck. That means that the insurance company is going to be on the hook for job training. Now I have to figure out what to do with the rest of my life. I am not old, only in my mid 30's, but I don't know how many tricks this dog can learn. I wonder if I could make a living in the MRR field... That would be nice.

Anyways, now that I have rambled, let me say thank you all again for your support, well wishes, and advice. It really means alot to me. Being able to vent gave me some relief, but your responses gave me more.

Matt

[thumsup]

Hey Matt,

Sounds like you have a handle on it. Here in California the workercomp thing is a mess. The Attorneys work for themselves, much like your experiencing, and the judges don't give a crap. Your doing the right thing standing up for your rights, keep at em.

Btw, your remark "That means that the insurance company is going to be on the hook for job training. Now I have to figure out what to do with the rest of my life. I am not old, only in my mid 30's, but I don't know how many tricks this dog can learn." Is out of place, you can learn anything you set your mind too. I was retrained to be a AutoCad drafter at 50 after doing camera repair for Canon. I'm 61 now and still learning, all be it slowly but then somethings never change.

Hang in there,

Joe

[scubadude]

Got your back, Brah...25 years ago I went thru 3 carpal tunnel surgeries and 2 years of litigation trying to determine if my condition was injury or disease, which was real important to the insurance companies....ended up with a 45% (not 50%, which was also important to the insurance companies) loss of the use of my right hand...I hate doctors, lawyers, insurance companies and Ebay! The most important thing of all is the health of your hands, so do all you can to help them recover...

[Tom]

The current economic condition and outlook for the new year doesn't bring a whole lotta hope either, so just do what I do in regards to that and take it one day at a time. At the end of each day, declare that a moral victory that you got through it. It seems to help me.

I hate to hear of you going through this, but with the help and broad shoulders of the fine folks here on the (by far) friendliest model railroad forum on the net, you can make it. These folks always lift my spirits even on the most "craptastic" days around here. I simply log in, click "view new posts" and lose all my worries for a while.

I have been going through a funk lately with my business, the winter kind of sucks anyway, but for the line of work I am in, it really slows down and my largest contract is playing games with us, and I found myself running all the time to sitting idle alot waiting for the phone to ring. That is why model railroading is such a great hobby, not only do you lose yourself in a miniature utopian world, but the folks you meet along the way via forums like this are the biggest benefit.

PM me or email me when you need to vent and unload, I am always around. You can get through this, but it's going to take two key ingredients: Family and Friends. You NEED family, so don't let them get too far away from you. And your friends will help you through it as a soundboard to bounce your frustrations off of and offer advice and a shoulder.

Best of luck and let us know how you're doing. PM or email me if you'd like any time of night or day, my sleep schedule has really been screwey lately. I'll keep checking in.

You can get through it with a little help from your friends here.

[tomustang]

Matt,

I can relate, with my father. He has lost so much since an accident when he was 35, now is not even one-tenth of what he was. Though pain and up to 17 daily medications now, 6 years of legal battles without a paycheck, settlements and forcible medical treatments/tests/experimenting, depression, having doctors thinking they have an idea.... it is not easy at all.

So I wish you luck and got your back to keep on fighting. Hope it's a good outcome.

[sgtcarl1]

Yeah!! Man, stand up and kick those sorry sobs in the teeth!! I hate attorneys and insurance companies. I'm very fortunate to have Tricare. What my insurance, Medicare, won't pay, Tricare usually does. I went several times to a pain specialist, and no matter how many times we told his office staff that Tricare was a supplemental insurance, they always billed them first. Consequently, payment was denied. They would then send me a bill. We finally got tired of talking to them, and since their office is an hour's drive, we just paid them what they wouldn't bill Medicare.
I agree with what everyone else has said. I pray you will get better. You are a good guy, and I consider you a friend.
Vent whenever you want! I will never complain about it.

[yellowlynn]

Hey Matt, here is another that will never complain any time you need to vent. I won't harangue you with all my ills, but after 3 back surgeries (absolutely necessary to prevent total paralysis), I will live in pain for the rest of my life. Medication for 5 heart attacks prevent further surgery.

I am well over twice your age, so any depression I feel, I can more than double it to get even close to how you feel. If you have ever noticed in most of my posts, I use humor. I personally have found that is my outlet. I make many smart remarks on the Gauge that could be out of place. When I joke the most is when I'm hurting the worst.

You are in my thoughts and prayers constantly. I feel my problems pale into insignificance next to yours. Like sgtcarl, I have medicare and Tricare, and have lucked out with what I would call THE BEST doctors around, and will always trust the GREAT PHYSICIAN.

Lynn

[Sumpter250]

I don't know how many tricks this dog can learn.

It may do nothing for "the situation", but, the leading edge of the learning curve, can be a place where spirits can be lifted. To learn, is to live.

............works for me.

[Sarge]

I don't know how many tricks this dog can learn.

It may do nothing for "the situation", but, the leading edge of the learning curve, can be a place where spirits can be lifted. To learn, is to live.

............works for me.

I can relate to that. I have been receiving treatment for PTSD for almost 2 years now. Depression was/is a big part of it, as well as sleep disorders. After I started my treatments is when I started back in MRRing and fount the "other Gauge." I also re-started my college courses in hopes of getting my Bachelors degree before leaving the Army. Being able to focus on other things than my problem really helped.

If you ever need anything, let me know.

[iis612]

There are a great many people who reached out, personally, and offered their support. It would take a while for me to list them all by name, so I will just say that you know who you are, and if I can ever repay the kindness, please let me know. Words can not express my gratitude, or relief. It helped me just to vent, but the support and encouragement gave me the kick in the tail I needed.

If I could buy you all the beverage of your choice, I would say belly up to the bar. You folks Rock!! It is still amazing to me to know that some of the best friends I have, I have never met.

In all sincerity, you have all been a collective "bridge over troubled water".
Saying Thank You a thousand times would still not display my level of appreciation.

Matt

[Lester Perry]

I have been through a similar ordeal not with insurance but depression. July of last year I had a cerebral hemorrhage resulting in a severe stroke. My doctor told me I was lucky in that only 11 or 12% survive this ordeal.I told him I would have to dissagree with him, I am not so sure I was lucky. I am now under the care of a psychiatrist. I am on 2 antidepresants. Some days I get so depressed I can't get out of bed. I have bad vision problems that might be medication related and might be stroke damage, we are still trying to figure this out. My left side is for the most part numb. try walking when you can't feel your foot or hold 3 year old grandsons hand in a parking lot when you can't feel it. I am not saying this to try to out trouble you but to tell you if not for antidepressants I would not be here to tell you see a psyc. Get help with dealing with problems. It will help physicaly. I know I am there
Les

[Tom]

Wow, I didn't know that Les. We're here for you though when you need us. Feel free to PM or Email me when you need to vent or just chat.

I went through a little bout of "down in the dumps" around the holidays. I just had a heck of a time getting out of bed even with the lull in my business. Decembers are usually pretty bad for business, but this past December was just the pits. Luckily I had done all of my Christmas shopping before Thanksgiving, I knew December was going to be a rough month, so I was ok there, but I just hated not working. What got me through my funk though was, believe it or not, running trains. I went the other day over to my friend Steve's house, and he has a SWEET double deck HO mushroom style Western Pacific Layout. I brought along a bunch of power and just lost myself for HOURS running trains. All my cares were checked at the door, and I just focused on one thing: Making sure I didn't have a cornfield meet in the canyon! Seriously though, it was that little getaway that left me refreshed, relaxed and stress free when I came home and since. I wish my friends and family could see me for just 10 minutes in there running trains at Steve's house. Then they would understand why I am a model railroader.

[Lester Perry]

Tom these guys got me through some rough times and didn't even know it. When I posted something or commented on something and my few words were acknowledged it seemed that my opinion was worth something. I did mention my trouble but didn't dwell on it so don't feel bad about not knowing. Everyone's support unknowingly was more valuable than if you knew. I am sure some knew as their comments showed it which is ok. We all have trouble its nice to be able to share with FRIENDS in an area that we all have a love for. Also I can't help thinking about scubadude and what he has been through. My troubles seem so minor in the light of what he and his family went through.
Les